''When the rain falls on my window today..''
You know I will come here, don't you?
I never felt so emotional about any exam before this.
When I first saw this place,
I spoke inside me :
''Oh Lord, just let me sit for Final tomorrow;
otherwise, just kill me right here, right now.''
And tomorrow,
is the day I always being waited.
When I sat for UPSR,
God, I didn't even see it as exam !
When I sat for PMR,
I guess it was when I being in the most normal state,
still heartbrokens drove me forwards.
When I sat for SPM,
to be honest, it was when I miss the most.
Hearbrokens just got into deeper and deeper,
til I became someone even myself couldn't recognise out.
It wasn't the best time in my life;
but it was the most sparkling moment of mine.
Then STPM,
my eternal wound that will never be healed,
never will turn into a scar.
It's the pain that constantly reminds me
to begin with the right departure.
So coming to this latest time,
my First Year BDS University Examination.
I had never feel exam is a huge stone
placing upon my chest...
But on the last wednesday,
I just dunno why,
I felt sucha a great pressure out of no where.
It's a big humiliation to me.
Even more humiliated,
when I shared this with my own father,
he got so furious and yelled on the phone.
I had been really silly.
I really had no idea I can see an exam that serious, that important.
Maybe you will think :
Please la, everybody sits for first year Final.
I forgot have I ever thank my mom before,
but definitely never in person before,
maybe I'll do it this time,
maybe.
My mom always been very sarcastic and
not really encouraging,
but she never abandon me.
She is always there,
even with lots of complaints.
She is always there,
even she didn't really sincere about it.
She is always there,
even I didn't really need her.
''Mamie, thank you so much,
for walking through all the nightmares with me,
though we both know,
those nightmares were somehow
been extra-terrified by you,
still Thank You.''
Signing off;
Hze

''And I don't know what is it about,
but I just need you now.''
Lord, I think I got hurt.
Maybe because I really invested my real heart into it.
I just didn't realise how much I put it,
til I actually feel so much hurt.
I miss my besties alot,
though i always miss them,
but today extra more lots.
I miss shasha also :'(
I miss shenyee,
who is absolutely right about saying that :
''Double-faced retards are all around!''
I have seen so many,
I'm even looking at them here,
why do I still made the mistake?!
I miss junejune as well :'(
And how good if Eileen is here with me :'(
I want myself back;
Hze

Ladies, no gentlemen today.
I'm always that female-chauvinistic,
didn't you know that?
Okay girls, little girls or big girls,
I think we all should quit watching drama !!
Especially the damn Korean drama, main culprit !!!
Making we all believe that 'prince-like man' really exist =/
You know in drama,
when the female character is died due to
an accident, cancer or whatever,
the male character will hug her,
or carry her at the back,
accompanying her til she finishs her last breath.
And all these scenes are always taken place near the bluish-white beautiful beach.
How tricky is a flim director !!!
Right??
And after, even 10 years later,
the male character still cannot get over the dead female character,
he looks through the sea with his sorrowful eyes filled with eternal love.
Oh crap, wake up !!
Those are worse than dinosours ok.
They aren't extinct, they are never exist !!
So, this explains why a boy can get himself a prettier new girlfriend after only
2 months heart-aching breakup.
Aherm, for some cases,
even a shorter time is taken to heal
the so called 'wound'.
Wound leaves scar, but how many people
will bother about scar nowsday?
Some scars just be hidden,
on somewhere nobody will ever notice even question about.
I think not only my dad is the heartless one.
Much more to explore;
Hze

''The tide is high but I'm holding it.''
Oh dears,
I guess this might probably be the last post of mine
until I finish my final examination.
No matter is heaven or hell,
none of them should happens during this time.
Neither tachycardia nor bradycardia.
I had just completed the damn model exam finally,
on last saturday.
Two weeks minus today equals thirteen days left.
The end of model exam indicates
the real show is started.
I have been waiting this since the first day I come India, is it??
Then, BALIK RUMAH !!!
Gosh.
I suppose to be tensed over the final right??
But I think I feel more thrilled over going back the world where I belong.
Alright. Aherm.
I gotta get 'somebodies' scold again.
Sorry to declare that,
my second blog's URL is changed again.
Http://spreadingmyphilosophy.blogspot.com/
Okay.
This is me, at least, correct??
If I don't change it,
meaning my ownself has changed, is it??
Then,
my little brother has just turned 18 that day.
OMG.
I have a 18 years old brother !!!
Nothing else can make me sound older than this... :(
But this fellow is still seem so directionless.
I think I should re-buy him a compass,
instead of giving him an encyclopedia !!
Next,
I wanna share an old movie here,
a cartoon movie called 'UP'.
I really had no idea a cartoon can be so NICEE!!
If I were a mother,
I will tell my kids :
''See, what dream can never be realised?
Even balloons can make a house floats in the air !!''
And I'm officially left none of any hidden secrets.
Accidents happen everyday and everywhere =/
I still think disasters will happen.
Lastly,
''Your Highness Almighty,
please offer me what I deserve.''
Solemnly addicted to cartoon;
Hze

'' My God, I thought you were someone to rely on.''
This is extremely insane.
I forget how many time is this time for
Dr. Rita to postpone the damn Biochem viva.
I bet she doesn't how much effort it took me to get up from the bed !!
And the worse is,
when it starts on 11am,
please don't expect me to go there early the morning on 8am.
So, when i start walking on 10.45am...
Gosh...
Somehow there is a voice beside my ear whispering to me :
''Just don't go la, look at the HUGE sun !!!''
And how dare she postpones it AGAIN
after I walked for miles just for the 2 minutes idiotic questioning section !
Haih. I thought after today,
only Physio practical left on saturday..
This whole Second term test and Model exam
just like a maglinant tumor,
dragging you never let go,
pestering you until your hairs drop more and more each of the day,
sucking all your nutrients to make you become weaker and weaker...
Haih..
Don't care, I can't be bother anymore.
I remember my mom used to ask me:
''When you're alone outside,
will you still study the way studied at home?''
Yea, I did study like how I studied before,
but,
I don't have fun that much like I had before !!
This is not a 'balance diet'. ='(
Faster get me out of this hell la;
Hze

''Would I just being one second for not to love you?''
I drew a maxillary tooth with downwards-directed roots !!!
You know,
unforgivetable mistakes are acceptable to be happened,
but stupid mistakes are never tolerable !!!
I dunno where the hell my soul was wandering around when I sat for that paper.
Totally souless,
like whatever you wrote doesn't come out from your brain,
they were like leaking out from a over-filled tank.
Wanna hear more?
I didn't even get the point when Dr. Sri Devi first asked me did the question asks for a mandibular tooth?
Til she said :
''Who taught you maxillary tooth has a root like that huh?''
Then only I come to realise that and
she made a gesture of hitting me.
At that moment,
I did wish she would really hit me,
to wake me up from the dead walking state.
***************************************************
I really love my BESTIES.
I couldn't love anyone more than them.
Simply because they know me pretty much well,
and they offer me their ears whenever I need.
I love them and
I love the way they love me.
And PP,
''You must be my children's godmother in future !!!'' xoxo
Why can't you get me;
Hze

''Father, father, please send some kindness from above.''
It says that everyone keeps secrets.
There is no exception, every each of us does,
even it is only a secret,
there is always some little thing that
you just wanna keep for yourself.
I kept secrets as well, once upon a time.
Then I realise there is no necessary to keep what secret anymore,
cause' I have a bunch of goodfriends,
and sharing is caring.
Eventually, I forgot how to keep a secret.
But lately,
those secrets somehow reappear and pile up.
Again, I don't keep secrets anymore,
they are just those thing I didn't manage to share out,
not that I don't want to share.
So, they become secrets.
Aherm, I'm not emo okay,
don't you dare to call me emo,
the above are just normal emotions,
right shasha?
Back to the point,
so, occasionally,
I think of creating another private and confidential blog for my accumulation of secrets.
But doesn't this sound hilarious?
Sharing out something people will never give you reponse,
worse than a dull monolog session =/
So, I call that bad idea off,
continuing to reveal my secrets
like now,
after taking a huge roundabout.
I'm too stubborn to let go those silly things;
Hze