'' Look, you aren't back to here, you didnt really move a step.''
It's 19.11.2011, according to Malaysia time zone.
I dunno how and why I'm end up in this state again, and again.
Isn't this what I want in the first place?
No. This is not.
Fate has changed me.
Things went wrong at the very first time already.
My roomate says to me:
'' Your mental state already won your physical state. ''
Yeah. It's really true.
I dunno what really keeps me sane til now, really.
Are the people who love me back there?
Or just because I'm still not willing to die so soon ?
Maybe the problem begins with my stuborness, and continues with my stuborness,
then I end up suffering because of my stuborness,
but perhaps this stuborness keeps me still survive here.
I'm in all pain.
I forget who I were until I back to home again.
I gotta admit how pathetically I was,
even pleading for a small insignificant award,
yet,
it still turns out into none of anything.
I know the rightest person I should talk to
is my dear mother,
but unfortunately,
she isn't the rightest person to listen to me.
I'm all in pain;
Hze

'' Wishing on the wishless star. ''
I have another 4 months,
before I can go home again.
Which is 120 days, 2880 hours,
172800 minutes or 10368000 seconds left...
Why is everything so depressing here?
I think I had really sacrify a lot on studies.
First, I lost the time for myself,
then I lost my life.
Next is my pride, my arrogance,
my inspiration, my positiveness.
Now, I know I'm gradually losing my loved ones and,
myself.
And I start to afraid of going to bed.
Because once I stop reading,
my mind starts to recall how beautiful it was before all these,
then I start crying.
Whom I really miss a lot lately?
I miss you, dear me, please,
please come back.
Every little earthquake, every little heartbreak;
Hze